Um…so who doesn’t know about the impending Zombie Apocalypse? Honestly though, I’m really not that into Zombie lore, unless you count the fact that I’ve been a fan of the Resident Evil video game series probably ever since my tenth grade year of high-school. On that note though, I’d always imagined myself having a home somewhat like Wayne Manor….maybe not as big though. Seemingly mundane, yet beneath it’s stucco walls: a Batcave (!) with secret passage ways into mysterious work spaces, retrofitted so just in case the world all went to hell I’d be living pretty comfortable in my mole hole for however long I needed too. As most people I talk to know, I do have a hole in the floor in my room, which leads into a pretty awesome basement. No Batcave, but close enough.
On that note, I was with the Kid I Babtsit, who is kinda’ like a clone version of me in terms of fandom obsessions, when I suddenly thought of this vblog I’d seen Felicia Day do on YouTube (probably because we’d been taking about Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog and are straight crushes on gay Neil Patrick Harris) anyways, so someone had asked Felicia if, were she to assemble a team of five to fight along side her in the Zombie Apocalypse, who would she choose and why. They could be anyone: alive or dead, real or fake.
All of a sudden my nerd-bulb lit up like the power button on my Xbox 360.
The Kid I Babysit got into it too, and we both convinced my brother to stop watching Sgt. Frog for like a second to join us in the plotting of our respective teams. Soon we found five people just couldn’t cut it….I mean, Mass Effect style, we needed a Suicide Mission team–not five idiots who consecutively get shanked by MINDLESS zombies, leaving the only smart one of the group alone and unable to repopulate the world–no seriously, thanks for that. -_-”
So, without further ado, I present to you (omg rhyming，English major heart dies of ecstasy), [insert coughing sound] AS I was saying, I present to you:
MY DREAM ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE DEATH SQUAD
1. Buffy Summers (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
It should be a well known fact by most people who know me that, for some reason or another, I am OBSESSED with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This girl has “saved the world a lot.” Buffy becomes a real leader over the course of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series. She knows how to rally a group, and she’s morally legit, one of those do the right thing-ers. She’s got super slayer strength, experience offing undead, demons, and the like, and excellent pun-age. Though she can be headstrong, she’s a take charge kinda’ girl–exactly what you need in a fight for your life kinda’ situation.
He’s a detective, gadget guy, genius, rich, incredibly sexy (I think it’s pretty obvious how much I love Batman)–and above all else, he has a base of operations. Batman’s the guy who will figure out how the Zombie Apocalypse started and who’s behind it before anyone else even begins to start thinking about it.His anti-social tendencies when working within a group might be a bit of an issue, but he’s worked within the Justice League before, meaning he’s willing to put aside personal feelings to get the job done. Just don’t expect him to trust everyone immediately…or ever.
3. Riza Hawkeye (Full Metal Alchemist)
(this photo moves, it MOVES)
We need somebody in our squad who can pick Zombies off from a distance. Riza’s a trained sniper with the Amestrian Army, a damn good shot, and fiercely loyal.
4. The Witchdoctor (Diablo)
I never got to finish playing Diablo 3….or even really get into it cause the power went wonky in my house, and so whenever I load up the game on my Dad’s PC, it crashes. >.< BUT, of what I did play, I decided my Necromancer character was pretty freakin’ badass, and I was only a level 8 or so. In my opinion, every undead apocalypse needs a necromancer. I mean, for obvious reasons.
5. Chell (Portal)
Chell spent most of her life as a test subject–that requires patience… and for that reason she’s pretty damn good at following orders, especially from snarky AI with questionable motives. Be that as it may when opportunity strikes, she takes the plunge! PLUS, I mean, she didn’t get out of Aperture Science labs without that portal gun (at least I hope!)–so not only is she excellent at solving puzzles, but she also has a gun that can teleport her pretty much wherever she’d like to go. Provided the walls are coated with a special white paint, that is. ( THAT does not explain why SPOILER I could shoot at the moon in Portal 2 though…)
6. Ender (Ender’s Game)
It’s been a while since I read Ender’s Game (and for that reason–when I showed The Kid I Babysit this picture, she goes “That’s not Ender!? That’s Bean” coughcough ANYWAYS). Ender is a boy genius–six years old or so, trained to be a military mastermind. Ender can act as a substitute leader and/or master strategist if Buffy or Batman were to bite the dust, or, as Tobuscus would say, encounter a back massage of death (Zombie-Style!). I figure as well, if Ender was on the squad he’d keep Batman in the game. Batman likes to recruit young apprentices. Yep.
7. Jackie Chan
If anyone is gonna be a master of hand to hand combat–it’s gotta be Jackie Chan. I mean, in his movies, or out of them: this guy is the real deal. Plus he’s hella funny. You need laughs during a Zombie Apocalypse.
8. EDI (Mass Effect)
Highly Evolved, Unshackled AI with a sense of humor. Plug EDI into Batman’s super computer, and the resistance is pretty much unstoppable. Plus, EDI is basically a network: she can be in her body, as pictured here, AND in the Bat-computer at the same time.
9. Kamina (Gurren Lagann)
In need of blind inspiration? Want to” kick logic out and do the impossible?” Kamina is kinda’ an idiot, but he still makes the ladies swoon and somehow manages to be a total bad-ass all at the same time. Personally I’d marry this guy if he were real (well…I need to think about that actually…) Kamina is truly one of the most inspirational character’s I’ve come across in my fandoming–this guy will motivate even the stereotypical Zombie Apocalypse Chicken [insert word that rhymes with hit and starts with an “S”] by punching him in the face. We need people who will punch other characters for acting stupid in the face.
10. Mordin Solus (Mass Effect)
Morin is the “The Very Model Of A Scientist Salarian.” He’s not beyond unethical experiments and used to be Special Ops. While Batman’s off figuring out who started the Zombie Apocalypse, Mordin will be developing the cure for the disease. Unlike other Mad Scientist, though, he’s not limited to the lab. If [insert that word that rhymes with hit and starts with an “S”] got real, Mordin would have the situation under control REAL fast. About as fast as he talks, I’d say.
11. Orihime Inoue (Bleach)
Orihime Inoue is a little strange, but a sweetheart. Though she can fight, she’s more at home in the med bay healing the wounded. As far as healers go, at least in terms of my fandom lore, Orhime is the go to girl with the healing hands–she doesn’t just patch up your wounds, she can regenerate lost limbs. An essential power in a zombie apocalypse.
12. Saber (Fate stay/night and Fate/Zero)
King Arthur if he were a girl: Saber is…kinda’ a Riza Hawkeye with a sword (O.o). Excellent code of honor, and she’s not interested in power games. Just a knight, with strong morals and a killer swing. Did I mention she’s got a really big sword?
13. Subject Zero (Mass Effect)
Subject Zero, or “Jack,” is the tank of the crew–one bad girl, with unbelievably strong Biotic powers. Though she may clash with Buffy, as she hates the “high moral ground” cheerleader types, and is probably a lose cannon, she still has enough prowess to take out more than a small militia of wandering zombie folks. Can I get a high-five for crowd control?
14. Piccolo (Dragon Ball Z)
I love Piccolo. I mean–he blew up the moon! Not to mention trained Gohan–the use to be wimpy son of Goku–and turned him into a total bad-ass a gazillion times cooler than his father (don’t shoot me DBZ fans :P) Plus he’s green.
15. Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)
Sure Barney can’t really fight. I mean–I don’t expect him to really do anything other than make “urgh” faces at deformed-use-to-be-hot-zombie-[coughcough] babes,” and hit on all the lovely ladies of this squad. (oh just try, Barney…just try). But, he’s Barney: awesome personified! He comes up with these crazy schemes and some how manages to make them work. Plus, who else would be the perfect candidate to help start the re-population of people on the earth after the Zombie’s are eradicated? Challenge Excepted? Need I even ask?
Hehe. xD So…
..who would be a part of your Zombie Apocalypse Death Squad?